Stay Tuned for Labor Post :)

 

Going through this process as an observer gave me a whole new perspective and appreciation for the process my wife embarked on to bring our little man out to meet us.  Shortly after we awoke, our main nurse was back in the room checking on us and my wife was feeling a lot of pressure in her uterus at this point.  Nurse F decided to check her cervix again and was surprised to see that she was all of a sudden dilated to 9 cm!  That was quick! In that moment, we both were hopeful that if she had opened up so quickly in such a short amount of time, baby JJ's arrival would occur in no time at all.  Then, everything sped up.  Nurse F ran out to communicate with the other nurses and the new on-call midwife and suddenly we were being escorted to the neighboring delivery room.  It took me a little bit longer (a few minutes) to get there because I had my laptop out, trying to accomplish work I needed to take care of while we waited.  

When I arrived in the labor and delivery room, I immediately saw JJ's first heated crib where he would first lay, a large space with seating, where I could set out all of our belongings, and a huge labor bed that converted to any position you wanted it to be in a matter of seconds.  There was also a large restroom with a shower and lots of cabinetry all over the room.

 We were in room number 9, another comforting sign, my wife's birth day and a value that has always been surrounded with blessings. :)

One of the beautiful perks of my faith is that I feel that I am never alone, and although my wife and I were taking on this new adventure at the hospital knowing that family would not be arriving, it was comforting to know that they were just a phone call away.

Right after my wife had announced her "pop" and gone to check it out in the restroom, I immediately called sister 1, no answer, sister 2, no answer, sister 3, no answer. Honestly, when I am having my moment, they are all snoring away!  LOL So, I did what I knew would wake them up and I called the house phone which echos all throughout.  My Dad answers, "Alo," and I respond, "Dad, I don't want you to worry, but I am pretty sure that my wife just went into labor, she started her contractions and we're going to head to the hospital soon."  My Dad responds, "Oh, ok, well, you know that happens, her contractions will start getting stronger and stronger and you'll have to go to the hospital.  Let me get your sister."  My Dad cracks me up all the time because he is the knower of all things, including labor and delivery.  "Dad, don't wake them up, I already called them and they are all sleeping.  When they wake up, let them know that we will be at the hospital and that I will keep them posted, but remind them the reception is not the best there."  My Dad replied, "Ok, be careful, and may God bless you."

It was 2 a.m. when I sent the screenshot of the contraction timer in the family chat.  Shortly after that a young doctor came in, cracking jokes with nurse F, asked a few questions and began her cervical exam.  He determined that she was about 2 cm dilated and that it was thin enough to admit us for the night.  Now it was all about waiting for the cervix to dilate further naturally.

Then, the anesthesiologist arrived and they let me know that I had to step out for this procedure, and nurse F walked me to the empty visiting room and let me know that it would take about 10-15 minutes and she would come back and pick me up.  So there I was in the visiting room, alone, thinking to myself and talking to God and saying, "wow, I can't believe this is actually happening." I snapped a few shots of the room to have record of it and I snapped a picture of the clock approximately 2 minutes after I arrived when I remembered to take pictures.

3 a.m. I smiled. 3 a.m. is the hour that I have been waking up at for the past year, on the dot, without being able to go back to sleep for about 2.5 hours.  I had shared with my wife that I thought God was training me on purpose by waking me up at 3 a.m. so that when JJ was here, I wouldn't be as tired and would be able to take my turn caring for him.  Here is what I have heard about 3 a.m. spiritually:

Church teaching says nothing about the time of 3 a.m. However, in popular culture it has become known as the “devil’s hour.” This is because Gospel tradition reports that Jesus died at 3 p.m., and so—because the devil likes to mock God—the inverse hour of 3 a.m. is considered the time the devil chooses to manifest most forcefully in the world. Some also claim that due to the large amount of sin committed at 3 a.m. the Communion of Saints often awakens individuals at this time in order to prompt them to pray for others.

Sure enough, it has become my new normal to wake up at 3 a.m. and I indeed pray.  Usually, I read the Gospel, which I have started to do from the Old Testament, then I watch a movie on my Netflix phone app about Jesus, his Disciples, etc., and then by the time I get sleepy I start to pray, and that usually does the trick for me.  There is something comforting to me about falling asleep thinking about Jesus.

What's interesting is that I recently spoke to my cousins who are also believers and they all wake up at 3 a.m., too!  Crazy!  As well as my sisters, ever since my mom passed away in November 2015.  The cousins who are not necessarily believers, said they all wake up later...LOL .  Coincidence?

So right on time, Sister C calls me when I was in the visiting room to check in.  We laughed about how they were all asleep and I let her know that I would text her later.  Nurse F had come to pick me back up.

It was 3:23 a.m. when my sister C texted me to see how the Epidural had gone, the following is our chat conversation:

Sister C: Good morning, how is she doing?
Me: All the updates are on PhotoCircle
Sister C: Okay
Me: They are about to put her catheter in, pobrecita, she's snoring right now, she was in so much pain, but she's been researching all these breathing techniques and massaging that I could do during her contractions, and it helped her.  Doctor told her that he was impressed with her techniques.  She was like, "YouTube" lol
And all the way here, every time she had a contraction, I prayed the Our Father and Hail Mary's until it was over, that kept us both calm
Sister C: That's good, I am praying for a speedy delivery and for you too.  The hospital looks deserted. I am sad we can't be there. 😥
Me: Me too, but we will be home soon
Sister C: Remember to ask for pampers and take all you can from the hospital (Sidenote: I call this the Latino Poverty Syndrome-you gotta take all that you can when it's offered, LOL)
Me: Yes, I will.  There is this baby who was just born across the way and he/she was screaming like crazy lol. It's very surreal.
Sister C: I know Sister I is off this week, she can go help you if you guys need her
Me: ok
Sister C: How many pounds is JJ?
Me: We don't know yet but he's at least 7 pounds

My wife woke up, I asked her how she was feeling, and since the Epidural kicked in, we decided to read to JJ his Angel Prayer book, had the angel Gabriel lead us in the Our Father, both languages, and I blessed my wife and the baby with the holy water Sister M had acquired for me to keep handy ever since my born-again moment, almost one year ago. Then, we rested for an hour.

I am in awe with the power of faith and its benefits, especially when the Lord communicates that "there will be a beautiful simplicity about your life: a time for everything, and everything in its time." My wife and I had not slept before going into labor and now there we were in the small pre-labor room that includes a personal bathroom, wide awake in anticipation of our JJs arrival.

We were blessed with a wonderful nurse who infused plenty of humor as part of her service. After my wife changed into her hospital gown, nurse F came in an asked us a few questions: the amount of time between contractions, the pain level she was in, when the contractions began, had the mucous plug come out, and had we been in contact recently with anyone who had traveled to China-a standard question now with every single medical visit.  Nurse F brought my wife a pink pitcher of ice chips and also asked us if we had a birth plan.

We had talked about a birth plan, but I had never written it down because I had it memorized, but it is always a good idea to have it written down in case you experience a case of nerves or are in too much pain.  The Baby Center App explains early on about the importance of a partner being an advocate during labor, when your spouse is distracted by the pain, not to mention the "no joke" effect of hormones.  So I shared with nurse F that she would want an epidural as soon as possible, we didn't want any pacifiers because we wanted to breastfeed, we wanted a mirror as part of the delivery (for my learning of course), and JJ would be circumcised. The nurse then recorded that information on the Labor and Delivery Care Board so that it's clear and available for reference.

Nurse F let us know that the doctor would come in as soon as possible to assess her cervix and the anesthesiologist would also be along shortly, and that all she could have are small ice chips.  My wife's pain was increasing with each contraction and she preferred to go through the contractions standing rather than lying in bed.  At this point, I was still recording contractions on the app, and she was already hooked up to all the machines, including the fetal monitor that was tracking the depth of her contractions, with a few devices wrapped around her belly.

I was sitting in the side chair, trying to get drinks of water because the room was a little hot, but before I knew it, she was having another contraction and I had to focus on turning the timer on in the phone and my wife would call me over to do the dance with her, so that she was able to lean on me while she breathed through the pain.  The nurse had recommended for us to catch some rest, but we were wide awake, energized, and ready for next steps.  

By the way, at some point I had a moment to sneak out to snap a picture of the number of our room, which was number 8.  Remember when I said that I now believe everything is connected?  Seeing the number 8 put a little smile on my face because 8, turned sideways, is the symbol of infinity, and infinity is a symbol used to describe the Alpha and Omega, the Almighty God.  To me, that was a sign that God was with us, not to mention that it matches the infinity necklace I bought my wife to celebrate our love, our pregnancy, and is a connection back to specific aspects of my transformational experience (those connections will become more clear later when I discuss that in depth).  Now you're thinking, "I didn't know she was crazy and a conspiracy theorist?" LOL Well, I now embrace and own my quirks, and I take comfort in knowing that God is probably the only one who gets me. :)

After my experiences this past year, I have begun to understand how EVERYTHING is connected.  I have a deep appreciation for the medical field because first of all, I was a neuroscience/physiology major in college and in high school I was part of the medical magnet ROP (Regional Occupations Program), now typically transitioned to CTE (Career and Technical Education).  This was back when I thought the best route for me was to become a medical doctor because it would make my family really happy, and as part of the program, I was fortunate enough to be able to attain a medical assistant certification, including training for a phlebotomy certification, where we learned to draw blood and provide subcutaneous TB shots and intradermal flu shots. So I typically get excited when I go to the doctor or have had surgery because I get to ask the nurses and doctors a million questions to satisfy my scientific application cravings.  I just remembered how I used to subscribe to Scientific American in high school, a true aspiring brainiac...LOL  I even had posters of the endrocine system, nervous system, and a nutritional chart on the walls of my room....haha...Who does that?

I digress.  As we walked toward the emergency room, my wife chose to walk in versus having me push her in a wheelchair and there was no one in sight except for lines of caution tape with walkways divided, tents set-up in a row, and a security officer at the end of the lines who greeted us and directed us to the ER.

He wanted to have a full on conversation about how this is the first time he had seen it desolate like this because the rest of the day it had been jam packed with patients.  I like to honor people when they want to be heard, and I am pretty sure my wife was wondering why I didn't make an exception for when she was in labor.  So I wished him blessings and we walked into the ER where we were immediately asked to stop in our tracks as the clerk rushed over to us with a thermometer to check whether or not we could proceed.  It makes me wonder, what if my wife had had a high temperature?  How would they have proceeded?

Then, we had to stop at a security station where they had to input our names into their system and then to the next security guard who was taking care of the security stickers we were to wear at all times.  Then a male nurse pulled up a wheelchair for my wife and escorted us to the third floor.  Other than the hospital personnel, we ran into no one and no other patients were in sight.  God was clearing our path.

I have struggled throughout my life, ever since I was in college, with symptoms of depression.  In particular, what I have come to understand as seasonal depression.  I didn't understand when it first happened because in general, I had always been a joyful person and although I had my struggles with different experiences in my life, the physical effects that would appear every once in awhile would take me by surprise and leave me feeling helpless.  Within our family, lows were just something we had to deal with, it's the whole "suck it up because we all have problems" kind of sentiment that some of us are raised with.  It wasn't until recent years that I discovered that I had a chemical imbalance in which a small dosage of medication would prevent me from having the physical symptoms that made it so hard for me to function sometimes, not to mention, had me convinced that something was wrong with me and that I was not good enough for anything.

However, when I had my transformational experience, no amount of medication could calm the desperation and anguish I was feeling as a result of that day, so a voice inside of me reminded me to turn to prayer.  My parents and my sisters always would advise me to recite the "Our Father" and "Hail Mary" whenever I needed relief from pain, anguish, etc.  Praying in that experience, changed me forever.  It was the only thing that kept me from breaking down in public and guided me to a safe place where I could release what I was feeling.  It protected me and it calmed me.

So when we were driving to the hospital in the pouring rain, it was second nature to start praying through the duration of every contraction.  I would start with the "Our Father" and continued with as many Hail Mary's needed to complete her contraction cycle.  I would pray softly so as not overwhelm her and to aim to soothe and distract her, and I would quickly glance over to her as I said, "Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee, blessed art though amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus, Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for our sinners, now and until the hour of our death, Amen."

So we got onto the freeway and I have never driven as slow as I did, being sure to stay in the right lane and making sure to watch out for cars all around me.  Fortunately, the freeway was pretty light, which was helpful to be able to concentrate on the prayers and observing my wife inbetween contractions.  I knew she was increasing in discomfort because she would clasp the passenger door armrest and she would arch her body back into the seat in an effort to find some kind of relief.

Yesterday, as I was reflecting on the drive and asking her thoughts for this piece, she reminded me of something that happened that I hadn't remembered.  On the way up a somewhat of a steep hill on the freeway is a visible white cross on the top of Rocky Peak Trail, a symbol of the church that gathers there.

So it's midnight and the sky is dark, and the glow of this cross was breathtaking amongst the mist.  As we passed it, I thanked the Lord for this blessing we were on our way to deliver and asked for His protection. I extended my right-hand out toward the cross to physically and spiritually connect.

I kid you not, the rain stopped pouring, the street that was usually filled with bumper to bumper traffic was wide open, no cars in sight all the way to the hospital parking structure where there was a corner parking space waiting for us on Level 2.  While I was noticing how clear the road was, I would turn to my wife and say, "Can you see how God is taking care of  us? Everything I prayed for is working out for us!" The Lord, I have learned, also has a big sense of humor, and the only vehicular experience that we encountered as we were approaching the hospital was a cop car zooming by us on our left handside who splashed us as he drove swifltly through the intersection.  When that happened, we both laughed and said, "wow." #rude LOL

I am grateful for the the gift of Peace that the Lord has instilled in me.  As Sarah Young describes it in her Jesus Calling devotional, "a gift of such immense proportions that you cannot fathom its depth or breadth."  For as long as I could remember, I did not live in peace, instead I internally lived in fear, shame, anger, sadness, anguish, resentment, etc.  It wasn't until I made the choice to live for Christ that I truly understood what it meant to exist in a peaceful state of being.  So when I heard the hospital nurse on speaker phone advise my wife to wait another 2 hours before we drove to the hospital (and we had to call and get permission first) to ensure that the contractions were constant and that her pain was immense, it didn't give me anxiety.  My peaceful self thought, "Yeah right, we are not waiting that long with her contractions being 2-3 minutes apart!" So as I heard my wife's breathing begin to increase and her pain grow stronger, I decided to continue timing the contractions for another 30 minutes to have some concrete data, and then we would start our 45 minute drive to the hospital, in the pouring rain.

One of the aspects I love about my wife is how she surprises me with her growth and wisdom.  I always perceived myself as the more organized one, the more experienced one, the more resourceful one, and it is very humbling when I see these strengths growing in action within her.  A few days before going into labor, my wife had pulled me aside to have me watch the "Slow Dance" video on the Baby Center App, you can view it at minute 2:21 here:
https://www.babycenter.com/2_pregnancy-massage-for-labor-pain_10413818.bc

Honestly, I laughed at the thought of doing this, but we tried it and it was amusing, but I never imagined actually applying it during labor.  So when I saw how hard she was breathing and verbally expressing pain as she paced back and forth in the living room, I asked, "Why don't you come sit down on the couch with me and rest?"  She replied, "I will, I am just trying to walk around to ease the pain."  It was then that I remembered our funny moment of trying it out this technique and I quickly said, "Come here, let's try this." So we swayed, left right, left right, left, right, as I heard her breathe in and out in pain.  When she would breathe out the contraction I would put pressure in her lower back with my fingers as the video suggested.  I am not sure I provided much relief, she will be able to tell you when she starts writing, but I sure remember it as a very tender moment and in my head I was thanking God that he was guiding us through this process.

Something that has changed in my life dramatically is meditation through prayer.  As I have grown older, I have understood the importance of forming healthy habits to cope with stress, challenges, life in general, and none has been more powerful in my life than finding peace through prayer.  As I was ensuring that all we needed was in the car, my wife asked me if we should call the hospital because at our labor and delivery orientation they let us know not to call until you were truly in constant pain and your contractions were close to each other.  Well, I remembered that the Baby Center App had this handy dandy tool called the Contraction Timer, so every time she started hurting, I would start the timer and push it again when she stopped hurting.  The literature and the doctors tell you that you shouldn't go to the doctor until your contractions are occurring every 4-5 minutes and have lasted for at least 2 hours, or they will send you back home (I have never seen that happen in the movies!) Well, here was my wife's timer, give or take a few seconds of error.  I will give you a few seconds to analyze and process:

Are you making the same connection I was making that delivery eve?  Clearly, the answer to my wife's question, "Should I call the hospital?"  was, in my strong yet supportive tone, "Absolutely babe.  Your contractions have been every 2-3 minutes since you started, and just so you know, I wasn't serious about performing an emergency delivery in the car." Yes, I watched YouTube videos to prepare me in case I had to deliver JJ in the car. LOL Remember, when I said I like to be pro-active?  Well, I even bought an emergency delivery kit to go in the hospital bag, just in case.  You never know, right?  The drive to the hospital was 45 minutes with heavy traffic every single time we went in for a check-up, and finding a parking space in the structure at the hospital reminded me of college when I had to hunt down people, stalk them, and wait until they left their spot for me to zoom in before anyone else could beat me to it.  We even had identified spots of interest that were on the main street like McDonald's where I would be ok delivering JJ, in an emergency. One day, my wife had pointed out that there was a Del Taco on the right-handside of the street, and I was like, "no, never in a Del Taco parking lot."  I have standards, you know? LOL

So as she called the hospital nurses, I started cleaning the house, taking all the trash out, washing the leftover dishes, preparing our puppy to remain in the master shower where he would have plenty of space to lay out and go potty if he needed to.  While going into robotic mode in getting everything accomplished swiftly, I started praying: "Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven.  Give us this day, our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, AMEN." 🙏

Highlights Video on How to talk to Kids about the Pandemic

I am a big believer in being pro-active and being prepared, so when the start of labor came to fruition, I wasn't too worried about being ready.  We already had a regular size luggage packed two months ahead and accompanied us everywhere we went in the trunk space of the car, a constant reminder that we were looking forward to his arrival.  The Baby Center app had a checklist of items to include and the following are what we found most helpful: a comfy robe, plenty of toiletries, snacks galore (including fresh-baked muffins that I snuck in there last minute), gatorade, shorts (it was so hot in the hospital room and I am notorious for getting super hot all the time (my sisters call me menopausal LOL), a "coming home" baby outfit, soft gel nipple shields, hand sanitizer, clorox wipes, a notebook, comfy slippers, a portable outlet with usb ports. pen/pencils, a children's book to read to JJ pre- and post-arrival, my Jesus Calling Devotional, and our water hydroflasks.

What do I wish we had packed?  Towels!  The hospital provides you with these tiny little towels that are more like thin hand towels, and I like to enjoy my hot showers and step out into total warmth (at home we have gigantic towels) and there is nothing more disappointing than having to step out of the shower shivering. A floor towel would have been nice to have, too.  I don't like cold feet either. :)  Everything else not mentioned here was provided by the hospital, but I would make sure to check with your hospital orientation notes to see what is included.

The night before, I was praying the rosary as I was falling asleep, a great practice and meditation technique I highly recommend, and as I was about to knock out I saw a light appear at the top of my vision and a cross with Jesus on it hovered over in the light.  I remember thinking, "I bet JJ will be born tomorrow."  So the next morning after I remembered the vision and in anticipation, I packed up my medicine bag, extra cash, placed my laptop and charger in my backpack, and had pulled out our hospital orientation and breastfeeding class notes to also bring along for reference.  What a relief that all that was all prepared when my wife announced her pop.

So what I focused on for the next hour was placing everything in the car: the diaper bag, my backpack, nitrile gloves, I laid down a towel in the front seat in case she leaked or suddenly went into emergency labor, the emergency labor kit I ordered, our newly purchased BB Gun (again, here's my apocalyptic thinking-more on this later-lol), the water hydroflasks, and the 3 Hallmark Angels I placed in his carseat that we played every night to JJ in the womb (Michael-archangel who protects us and sings "This Little Light of Mine;" Gabriel, archangel who communicates God's messages and prays the "Our Father" in both English and Spanish; and Raphael, archangel who heals and is the patron saint of travelers and recites the "Now I Lay me Down to Sleep" prayer.)  On a side note, my sister C bought us Gabriel first and he was our guinea pig when we practiced with the carseat, stroller, crib, etc., so there was no way I was going to forget to bring them in this monumental moment.  #noangelsleftbehind

Books, research, and foundational knowledge don't often capture the vividness or realities of specific experiences such as labor.  My wife and I had been devoted to baby apps, newborn books, parent websites, friendly advice, and doctor visits in order to be as prepared as possible.  A lot of that information did help, especially when it came to the night she went into labor.  We were winding down in bed, my wife was snuggled up in her C pillow (more to discuss about this later) facing me and I was on my phone searching the Lowe's website for essentials we needed delivered soon, you know like vegetable seeds, shears, a bolt cutter (all items I deemed necessary in preparation for the Apocalypse). LOL  Right as I was about to hit "purchase" my wife in her sweet voice starts to say, "I know that I am probably imagining things and it's probably nothing, but I think I just felt a pop like 5 minutes ago."  In my head, "Oh Lord, this is really happening because who ever says they think they feel a pop" and my response in my most scientific fashion was "A pop? Like your water breaking? You know it's very possible that you are going into labor, his due date is tomorrow. Why didn't you say anything earlier?"  My wife replies, "Well, because I wasn't sure and you were busy and I didn't want to interrupt you and I thought you wouldn't believe me."  As I am setting my phone aside, propping myself up with excitement, yet trying to project calm for her sake, I said, "Babe, do you want to get up and see if you're leaking?" My wife replies, "I am kind of afraid to move, what if there is a gush and I get everything dirty?"  I say, "Well, this is the moment we have been waiting for, so let's find out."  So she gets up slowly, no gush reported, but she goes straight to the bathroom.  As I start to get up and go into "ok, what do we still need" mode I hear her say, "oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I am leaking babe."  I ask, "Do you see anything green?"  She let me know that there was a green substance all over her underwear and then I immediately knew that she had lost her mucous plug.  Everything was kind of happening by the book, or so I thought....

Family is a non-negotiable for me and my sisters and I had been talking for months now about how they were so excited to be in the waiting room in anticipation of the first look of J.J.  They shared stories about how when I was born almost 40 years ago, they were so excited to be able to see me through the nursery room window where all the babies were taken, now an uncommon practice.  As his due date approached, they would mention more and more about how they couldn't wait to see him.  So when we started seeing the pandemic evolve, the news was sharing segments about hospitals in the U.S. starting to restrict guests for labor visits and in some places, they were starting to consider even prohibiting a partner to join in the delivery room!  When we reported the labor to the hospital, they reminded us that no additional visitors would be allowed.  My heart sunk a little bit because I already had envisioned bringing my Dad into the postpartum room and introducing him to his first boy grandchild that he has been longing for ever since he raised 4 strong-willed women. :)  Not to mention my sisters, my best friend, my niece, J.J.'s Padrino, and all the close friends who were excited to welcome J.J. at the hospital and in our home.  On the drive to the hospital, I had to force myself to re-imagine that initial vision and consider how we could use technology to include everyone in the process.  You would think that the hospital welcome would be the only aspect we would have to be flexible about, and then we learned that we would have to self-quarantine with the baby in our home for at least a few weeks.  So what did that mean?  J.J. would not be able to meet the family and friends in person to receive that physical love they have been bursting with to release for an indefinite amount of time.

It seems like I have been looking forward to being a parent for a long time, and as I grew older I thought it wouldn't likely happen because I was a lesbian woman, which made it more expensive for us to consider and not to mention all the social implications you have to deal with as part of a marginalized group.  I also worried that I was too dedicated to my work, my travels, and my family (including my sisters, niece, and Dad) to even have time for raising a child who, in my opinion, requires a parents' focused attention. Two years ago, we had decided that it was best to not move forward with the IVF plan because the pros just didn't outweigh the cons, especially when we considered finances and our demanding jobs. Now I realize that it was all about having faith and understanding what it means when God says that He will provide.  When I went through my transformational born-again experience about a year ago during this time, my heart and perspective were enlightened and I shared with my wife that I thought having a child was part of God's plan for us, and here we are, with our beautiful baby boy blessing, J.J. in the midst of the COVID-19 Pandemic.